What To Say To Someone Who Is Grieving (With Examples)

Losing a loved one is one of the most challenging experiences anyone can face, so understandably, trying to comfort someone who is grieving can feel daunting. However, in times of grief, words and presence (physical or digital) can provide a lot of support and show that you care. Whether you’re offering condolences in person, over text, or via call / video call, a heartfelt message can open a communication channel and let the person know you’re thinking of them. 

What To Say To Comfort Someone Who Has Lost A Loved One

It’s common to want to be there for someone but equally not to know how to approach it so as not to cause further upset or create more overwhelm. While there isn’t one way to process grief, most people will appreciate words of empathy and genuine, open communication with their loved ones during this time. 

One way to handle this may be to acknowledge their loss and offer support, for example:

“I’m sorry to hear of the passing of [Mary]. I know how much [she] meant to you and I’m here for you if there’s anything I can do to help.” 

 

While short, this message still conveys empathy for the situation and lets the person know you are there for them. If you know they have dependants or other tasks they need to do, it may also be nice to offer to do these for them such as picking up medication, doing a food shop or even joining them on an activity such as dog-walking so they are not alone. This, of course, will depend on how well you know the person!

If you were also close with the deceased, your message of condolence can be made more personal by sharing a memory, for example:

“I’m sorry to hear of [John’s] passing, [he] was such a kind soul and a laugh to be around, especially on our golfing weekends. It won’t be the same without [him] and we’re all saddened by this unexpected news.”

There may also be instances where the person’s passing was expected such as following a battle with illness. Comforting someone who is coping with such a loss shouldn’t be taken any less lightly and it may still have come as a sudden shock and will carry an emotional toll especially if their loved ones hoped the deceased would have longer to live. You may want to consider the following example:

“I’m so sorry for your loss and heartbreak, I know watching [Jane] go through this illness has been incredibly hard for you and we had all hoped we’d have more time with [her]. Knowing this day was coming doesn’t make it any easier, but if there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. Sending my deepest condolences to your family.”

What To Avoid Saying To Someone Who Is Grieving

As we’ve shared some examples of condolence messages above, it’s worth sharing some tips on phrases that you are best to avoid using as they may come across as insensitive. 

Examples include:

• Wording that minimises feelings, e.g. “They are in a better place”. Everyone grieves differently and this phrase may also have religious connotations that may not be appropriate for some faiths or if a person is not religious.
• Providing unsolicited advice, e.g. “You should…”. Grieving is a personal process and while you can share anecdotes and suggestions, direct advice can be received poorly.
• Trying to hurry the person through their grief, e.g. “You’ll get through this if you…”. While well-intentioned as we don’t want to see our loved ones suffer, this can come across as dismissive in the initial stages of grief. 
• Focusing on your personal experiences and drawing comparisons, e.g. “I went through this exact thing when [Danielle] passed.” While similar phrases aim to show understanding, they can also take away from the person’s own experiences and take attention away from those currently affected by a loss. 

Practical Tips To Support Someone Who Is Grieving 

Beyond words of comfort, actions can also show support and care and help the person who is grieving gain some normality in an otherwise emotional and stressful time. Depending on how close you are with someone, some practical gestures may include:

• Offering to cook or pick up groceries 
• Supporting with childcare and/or supporting the person’s dependants to ensure they are looked after 
• Picking up medication or taking dependants to appointments 
• Supporting with funeral arrangements 
• Offering support through phone calls or spending time together.

Additional resources:

• What to wear to a summer funeral
• How to write an obituary  
• How to write a funeral tribute
• Meaningful ways to commemorate someone

Speak to our team at your nearest James Ashton & Son branch in Dundee and St Andrews:

1, 1a Cardean Street, Dundee, Angus, DD4 6PS

188 High Street, Lochee, Dundee, Angus, DD2 3DN

132 – 136 Hilltown, Dundee, Angus, DD3 7BJ

56 Largo Road, St Andrews, Fife, KY16 8RP (Macgregors)

Planning a funeral can be a daunting task, but it is important to remember that you are not alone. Your dedicated James Ashton & Son Funeral Director will be there to help you along every step of the way! They will work with you to create a funeral and lasting tribute that is personal and meaningful, and they will be there to offer support to you and your family during this difficult time.